The theory of autopoiesis shows that a person can only respond within the capabilities of his structure. When a person does not seem to be able to deal with the perturbations, according to this theory there is a lack of knowledge. It follows that a conflict shows the absence of a cognitive domain. The examples prove this. I believe that this domain can be described as that of the great human virtues and vices. In the event of a conflict these are the great human flaws, which are also called the seven deadly sins. It’s not about the number or the list itself, because for example fear, deceit, shame or power may be mentioned, but all these elements point to this area where there is a cognitive gap. It is my experience that whatever happens in conflict it can always be traced back to one of these elements. This seems at first sight rather strange and there may be a tendency to deny or contradict this. It pays to accept that it might be true to yourself and do research. You will notice in yourself that the emotional responses that you experience in a conflict point to the link with what we call the great human flaws. How you can do this is to be discussed below.
In autopoiesis it is the structure of a person who does not (sufficiently) have learned to deal with certain human vices that are the basis for the conflict, first internally and then externally. And thus, it is my opinion, conflict is about learning to learn to deal with the own cognitive deficits in this area. Seen this way a conflict poses the question to a person if he has yet started to learn to deal with these deficiences and to what extend he has succeeded as yet.
Returning to the examples I presented, for the husband it is his jealousy. In the case of the automobile incident pride and in the case of the story in the subway, it might almost have every human vice, but more probably anger, and in the case of the parent and the child really there are no limits.